Freudian Logic
by Lucrid Lucifel
Summary: Just to keep things all peachy, he ignores what his eyes see. GinnyxHarry. Slight LilyxHarry.


Title: Freudian Logic

Author: LucridLucifel

Genre: One shot, angst, dark.

Rating: R

Fandom: Harry Potter

Warnings: Heavy implications of incest, sexual situations.

A/N: I couldn't resist. Come on! Don't tell me no one noticed how much these two witches look alike? It's totally not a coincidence.

Summary: Just to keep things all peachy, he ignores what his eyes see. GinnyxHarry. Slight LilyxHarry.

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the Harry Potter book and movie series. Warner Bros. and J.K. Rowling respectfully own the rights to HP.

* * *

**Freudian Logic**

_ Mother is the name of God in the lips and hearts of children.  
- William Makepeace Thackeray, English novelist_

Years went by and time seems to stand still.

Harry looks at his wife as she sits in her favorite chair, looking at the new baby booties her mother sent her, and he stares at her delicate profile. Ginny is beautiful. Her soft features haven't aged prematurely quite yet like gingers normally are prone to. Harry doesn't think he would feel any less attracted to her if it were so.

Aside the obvious beauty Ginny has, the odd feeling of inexplicable nostalgia really is what compels Harry to be drawn to her.

The long, fiery, red hair flowing down her shoulders as she walked pass him with her numerous boyfriends back in the day. Harry had taken note of how soothing it felt to see the red hair flutter with every sway behind her shoulder.

The unsettling sensation of complete utter, yet strange, comfort had settled in as while Ginny had reached puberty and developed into a fine young woman.

"Ginny?" said Harry, warmly.

"Yes?" she smiled, looking over her shoulder. She pushed herself out of her seat and turned to face Harry. "Look, aren't they nice? Mum is so considerate, as always." She showed Harry the little knit booties.

Harry smiled. It didn't fully reach his eyes. Ginny didn't really notice anymore. Harry has gotten really good at hiding what he thought and felt.

His lying has improved, too.

"Yes. I like them." Truthfully, he didn't care so much for the booties.

"I'm sure we will be getting a lot more of these soon," she said, with a smile. She gently touches her round, full belly. It was going to become their first child. A boy. Possibly. They didn't want to know just yet. The surprise would be more wonderful.

"Indeed." Harry smiled a little bit more. The smile is a little more authentic for the first time in a while.

He fixes his gaze on Ginny's face. Her smooth skin covered in small, tasteful bits of freckles here and there. He walks over to her and cups her face warmly in his hands. He would often feel that powerful sense of familiarity and warmth whenever he touches her and stares into her features.

Ginny didn't say anything. She thought it was wonderful Harry is so affectionate to her and devoted.

She could remember the days when she pined over him and he wouldn't give her the time of day, but as they reached the end of their time in Hogwarts, it all changed. Suddenly, she was his everything.

And she wouldn't have it any different.

She didn't suspect a thing.

And Harry wants to keep it like that.

It really occurred to Harry, once he finally got the time to sit down and think about it calmly without all the ruckus of being slain and defeating Voldemort, that there is a reason why he felt so good and put together with Ginny.

And the more he thought about it, the more it becomes apparent and it kind of feels a bit misplaced.

But…As the despair of not having Ginny around because of those odd and unwelcoming feelings, Harry is willing to put up with them—why?

Simply putting it, the pain and devastation would be too great that Harry is willing to put up with a bit discomfort.

No one suspects anyway, so it continues to be his own little secret.

Ginny's green eyes, just like his, were as penetrating to his mind than any other quality she possessed. It just put everything together rather nicely.

He presses his lips gently to hers and pulls back. "I think you would look nice in curls, don't you agree?" he suggests, twining a lock of her hair with his finger.

"I never really thought of it to be honest."

"I think you should consider it," he said, adding, "It would make me very happy."

Ginny appears thoughtful for a moment, thinking it over and considering it. "I could give it a go."

"You do that." He replies, satisfied.

* * *

The dreams Harry would have of his parents were always sweet, but sad.

He often recalls a few memories of them all together spending time.

And his favorite would be of his mother holding him in her arms, cradling the infant version of himself.

He would look up at her and feel like everything in the world would be okay and that all problems cease to exist.

And, then, he frequently has dreams of himself as an adult walking through the woods with her, talking about his current life and such.

He imagines her to be the most understanding and kindest woman in the world.

He thought he was lucky to have had her as his mother and he only wishes that he had had more time to interact with her.

He wishes he had more memories with her like everyone had.

From everything he heard and seen from Snape and Dumbledore's memories, she appeared to be perfect. Absolutely perfect.

Lily had a beautiful freckled face with the smile of the brightest sunrise. Her piercing green eyes and down to her curly red hair. He could stare at her for hours.

* * *

Harry sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night feeling the absence of Lily.

The nightmares aren't that frequent. But...When they do happen, it is enough to leave Harry tearing or breathless.

What soothes him sometimes during these nights is looking over beside him and seeing Ginny sleeping peacefully.

Harry would take her in his arms and try to remember that he wasn't alone anymore and that the woman with red hair and green eyes was with him in one form or another.

If he pretends really hard, it did not hurt so much.

He is starting to believe it.

* * *

Harry often takes her gently. Often times— as he would make love to her— he said sweet things.

Often times the sweet things make no sense to her.

But a lot of times, it didn't really necessarily matter since she's floating through her bouts of ecstasy and during those moments it is quite difficult to really pay attention to every single word uttered.

As long as the sensations roll in, it didn't always matter.

She recalls faintly at one point Harry had leaned in and whispered so low and softly, she barely caught it if the room hadn't been that quiet, in her ear, "Mum…"

* * *

Ginny sometimes felt unsettled at the odd thoughts and ideas that popped in her head when she really honestly thought of the weird quirks Harry has done since they really had the chance to be together like a healthy couple.

And the recent one, she recalls, is the time where Harry and her had to go to Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom's engagement ceremony. Ginny always dresses tasteful and trendy. This occasion was no exception. She dressed herself very nicely and appropriately despite the protruding bump in her tummy. She even went as far as to give Harry's suggestion of curling her hair a go. She had admitted proudly the curls had turned out quite nicely.

Ginny appeared before Harry and the reaction was almost, as you can say, "magic". He ripped off her clothes and despite the lack of time they had for this sort of behavior, she couldn't really help herself and she went along with it.

She had felt his passion against her and in return, felt the wave of heat and passion consume her too, and as they wrestled each other to the bed, Harry had muttered in a raspy, deep tone, "I want you."

Vividly, Ginny remembers how she threw her head back, exposing the nape of her neck. "Yes, Yes, Harry!"

The time had flown past the time they were supposed to be at the engagement.

In the throes of passion, Ginny had begged Harry to say her name. To moan it. Hearing her name come out of his mouth had always given her that personal sense of power and domination. He was stubborn, too. Harry didn't want to, but as the unexpected wave of pleasure rushed through his body, he held her close to him and he had cried, "Lily…"

And then, that's when it all seem to end right there and then.

Ginny's eyes had flown open and she pushed him off her. Harry stumbled back, surprised and confused at Ginny's sudden and rather violent reaction.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Ginny looked petrified and upset. She covered herself with her arms as much as possible. She shook her head. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you! Harry, you didn't say my name. You never say my name and the one time you do it, you call out 'Lily'? Who is this Lily?"

Harry was very quiet for a long time. He was just as surprised as Ginny was or more so, he was distraught. Ginny's cries and angry yelling seemed distant and unfocused. Harry had been visually aware of his wife being upset at him, but the turmoil he was faced with was more with himself.

He couldn't believe he had said it. He couldn't believe he unveiled his deepest, darkest secret to the one person who wasn't supposed to be aware of it.

Harry felt crushed. And shame. No one could really understand him. No one would ever side with him on this one.

What would Ron think?

Would he side with him or his sister?

No. He's completely alone on this. Harry had thought if it was someone else and he was an outsider to this chaos he wouldn't even side with himself.

Damn.

Harry closed his eyes.

"—And I've been nothing but loyal to you! I never thought you would cheat on me with some bimbo you found on the street! Who's this 'Lily'? If I find her, I will surely rip her another one if you know what I'm talking about!"

Harry opened his eyes. He had narrowed in on what Ginny just said. She thought it was someone else named Lily, not—it was like a slice of heaven just opened to him.

Sure, it was going to be hard to explain and will potentially cause a problem in his marriage, but this is something he could manage and fix.

It was troublesome and unnecessary—He honestly didn't want to cause Ginny this type of pain, he did care for her despite the circumstances—so he's going to have to find a way out of this one.

"Ginny! Ginny! Stop, stop!" Harry said, holding a hand up. "Listen to me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say Lily. I…It just happened, all right."

Harry didn't mean it.

He loved his wife. He loved Ginny.

But, he would in a heartbeat risk compromising his marriage if it meant protecting the truth.

And that was what he intended to do as he swallowed the lump in his throat and lied to Ginny. "Lily is some…woman that lived in the neighborhood back when I was living with my uncle Vernon. She was…my first crush and I always thought she was attractive."

Ginny's anguished expression twisted into a confused, dumbfounded and very doubtful one. She had gotten up and dressed and left. She went out for a walk.

She couldn't deal with this right now. It was too much.

Harry knew Ginny didn't buy that poor excuse of a lie.

She wasn't stupid.

Yet, she suspected something that also wasn't true, but more believable.

Irony is a beautiful thing.

* * *

Harry spends the rest of the following years left of his marriage in guilt; feeling alone and neglected by his scorned wife. He loves Ginny. He did not intend to cause her this searing pain. He loves Ginny so much, but he also could not bring himself to tell her that there wasn't another woman. That this "other" woman was different. This woman was gone long before he ever got the chance to interact with her fully in real life.

But the shame and despair Harry imagine he might most likely face if he were to ever tell Ginny, or anyone for the matter, the truth of his desire and feelings is endless.

Noone would understand where he was coming from.

And the weird, taboo curiosity manifests itself strongly and almost uncontrollably when Harry is running his fingers through Ginny's long, ginger locks and gazing at her milky white, beautiful features. He feels an excitement at feeling a maternal familiarity and a completeness he fails to fit into simple words.

From the few memories he obtained of Lily and his recollections from photographs and jumping into the memories of Professor Severus and such, his mother was so much like Ginny. These woman are and can be one in the same in Harry's eyes. How can he not express his profound feelings and sentiments toward his current wife?

Harry Potter is not able save his marriage and he slowly watches it crumble to tiny pieces day by day.

In order to preserve his secrets and dignity, he allows Ginny Potter to continue on believing her husband had violated the sanctity of their marriage. Harry continues on wishing he did not see Lily Potter, his late mother, in Ginny.

**The End.**


End file.
